UNIX: She's very objective, logical, and intelligent. She's ugly but she looks ok with lots of makeup. She's very tidy and keeps a clean house. She only speaks ancient Greek and only listens to you if you use perfect grammar. She's very emotionally stable and refuses to argue. People consult her on really important things because they know they can depend on her.
Mac OS: She's even-tempered and only blows up if you do something really stupid or if there's something seriously wrong with her system. She's beautiful and improves with age. She's very stylish and sets trends. She never lies. She is easy to talk to and you can generally get her to do what you want without much of a fuss. She's a good communicator and likes to talk to friends. She's flexible and likes change. She's always nice to people when they come to visit. People love her when they get to know her and she has devoted friends everywhere. She smiles at you when you turn her on.
Windows: She has a nasty temper and often blows up at you for no reason. You have to fight with her to get her to do anything and she insists that you do things the hard way. She's extremely jealous and has been known to slip poison into the drinks of other women who come to visit. She even fights with her friends and it can take hours to get them to listen to each other. Even then, they only recognize each other when they feel like it. She has many psychological problems which carried over from her DOS childhood, although she claims to be over it. Her house is immaculate until you look in the closets and storage spaces where she hides all the crap she doesn't want people to see. Her house is full of nifty appliances and home electronics but you're lucky if you can get anything to work. Nothing in her house is where you would expect it to be; the kitchen is on the roof and the bathroom is through a trap door under a rug. She throws a tantrum if you rearrange the furniture. If she gets really mad she makes you go outside, ring the doorbell and wait for her to calm down and let you back in. She deteriorates with age and gets even more ornery the older she gets.