...Some things to think about, but don't think too hard!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Marines, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Okay, so what's the speed of dark?
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.